Happy V.D!!!

Today, after sending a sweet text to my dearest 10yr old kid that i watch, (yes, he has a cell phone at 10!) (yes, it's an iPhone) wishing him a nice Valentines Day and telling him that i love him, i get this in return... "Happy V D!! :) "

I arrivd at his house a little later and gave him a big hug and said...."uumm...kid...do you know what V.D. is? Did you know it's when you are "ill down there!" and i bet if i did have that i would not want someone to wish it to be HAPPY for me!...so next time....spell out the word DAY! It will save me a lot of stress....and laughter at your expense".

That was the only text i got from a boy. Fitting i guess. He is the only dude in my life right now.

Speaking of dudes.

Why can't i just adopt a husband?

It's like the same thing right?

Adopt a Kid...
1. Figure out if you have the money to invest in a relationship/commitment like this.
2. Figure out what nationality you want it to be.
3. Figure out how old you want it to be.
4. Figure out if you have the guts to follw through with it.
5. Contact it's current parents or family or agency to inquire about avaiable canidates.
6. Set up a time to view them.
7. Make a choice, yay or nay.
8. Proceede signing the proper paprers to make it legal.
9. Kid proof your house.
10. Bring kid home.
11. Cater to and tend to all needs of kid.
12. Clean up after kid until they move out of the house.

Adopt a Husband...
1. Figure out if you can commit to this kind of relationship.
2. Figure out which nationality you want him to be.
3. Figure out how old you want him to be.
4. Figure out if i have the guts to follow through with it.
5. Contact him directly or through an agency..whatever.
6. Make a date.
7. Marry me? yay? nay?
8. Marriage papers signed.
9. Husband proof my place.
10. Bring husband home, point out which rooms he is allowed in and which are off limits. like the kitchen.
11. Cater to and tend to all needs of husband.
12. Clean up after husband until they croak...or i do.


see....it's the same.

And probably just as expensive.

Knowing me and my luck, i'm going to find a guy that is WAY into the whole wedding stuff and want to be involved and help plan everything and want a huge ginormous (how do you spell that word???) wedding with everyone he has ever known attending. I am going to care less. He is going to wear a suite from Armani and i am going to wear a dress from the JC Penny's sale rack. He is going to want to party all night long with everyone and make sure we have dinner and drinks and music and laughing. I am going to wish that everyone would go feed themselves before they come. Drink out of a self produced prefilled flask if you must, and if they want music they should have brought their iPod. I will be tired and in a stupid dress with tule and lace.

i know it will happen that way...most likely.

Sometimes i wish i could just wake up tomorrow and be 10 years older have a husband and 5 kids and a house and job and move on from there.

I don't want a wedding. I want a family.

Where was i going with this.....

I remember the one Valentines Day i have had a boyfriend during the holiday and that year, he sent me roses. He was in Iraq at the time.

They came two days early.

There were only 5.

When asked why only 5, he responded with, "I just told them to send whatever..." so not like there is a sweet story there or anything.

Last year while in my oh so precious dorm room...suffereing another Valentines Day,this time not even near family, my dad sent me flowers. It was wonderful! A big bunch of 18 yellow roses and 18 white lillys. So so so beautiful! It was just what i needed.

Sometimes it is nice to remember that for a single girl...her significant other is her dad. Until that fateful day when someone else will come and try to live up to him. Which will never happen.


I'm not a hater of Valentines Day, but i'm not a lover either. I guess without the proper experience in what the holiday can produce, i am nuetral. For now, i will be happy with babysitting and spending my evening with the little men in my life whom i adore.

Dear Lord,

Today is Valentines Day, as you know. This day does not remind me of what i do not have, but of what i am going to one day have. I don't mind being single, as i know that it is because that is what you have planned for me right now. I don't get sad thinking that i am getting older and still not married. I get sad thinking that as the years go by, it's one less year i get to spend with the one you have for me. I know you are making me wait so that we are both ready when the time comes. Thank you for that. Thank you for making me feel loved in so many other ways that even when i am lonely, it is surrounded by people that love me. Your plan is perfect.

I love you! Happy Valentines Jesus!

Heidi

Handrails from Heaven

I have started to work out. And to be honest, i have STARTED to work out a kajillion times. I am yet to be convinced this time will last any longer then the last 5 times this year i have started. (yes, i do mean 2011)

BUT! I have a goal now. Not just skinny! Not that skinny was ever a goal. I like to be healthy. I have big hips, (thanks dad, your side of the family gets my jaded appreciation) and big boobs and big shoulders. I'm not exactly the string bean type. I'm more like...uuummmm.....the pickle type. Just broad...i even have wide feet.

This last week, my dear dear friend Jenny (Hi Jenny!) sent me a link on my facebook and asked if i want to join her in doing a 10K run. Only...this one is all in the MUD!

I have never done a 10K. I have never done a 1K. I DON'T LIKE RUNNING. Please remember back to the "big boobs" comment. Not exactly a runners body type. However, i have always wanted to do a marathon! I was super close to doing the Rock and Roll Marathon in Seattle the summer of 2008, but i couldn't actually figure out how to do the marathon and not have to run at all. Seemed there was no getting around it. So i waited until the registration date passed and then pretended to be bummed i forgot. So sad for me.

Getting back to the original story, i went over to Jake's house the other day to work out. Jake, my brother and Crossfit trainer is great. Really he is. I love him as a brother so so much, but as a trainer, i'm not so sure i share the sentiment. I do appreciate him when i get there, thinking "This is going to be a good workout, but darn it why can't he keep the gym warm. This place is FREEZING!" Then we get started with the workout and i think. He could be a little less attentive...why is he always watching me. What if i don't want to could by ones....i want to count by threes. And i don't WANT to squat all the way down so my bum reaches the ball on the ground. My bum is fine right at thigh level. But no, he proceedes to encourage me and tell me i'm doing great which he really makes me believe it and then i push harder and just get more and more mad at him for watching me! Then, half way through the work out i get mad that he doesn't have a darn air conditioner in the place, i mean GEEZE, it it too much to ask to get a little air! Finally, the time comes to end the workout and i feel like i could hug him for saying we are done. And the appreciateion is back.

When i went to his house the other day, Jake told me that we were going to do a fitness test to see what my level was at. I said cool, it would be good to know. Thinking inside my head "No thank you, thanks for playing. I think i will just go home. I'm done already".

We started with the rowing machine and i was supposed to row 500meters. Then do 30 squats, then 20 push ups and then 10 pull ups. And i was supposed to do all of that, 3 times. And be timed on it.

After 45 minutes, i was done with round one.

I looked at jake and said "It's been fun. Peace!"

And....i left. This whole 3 rounds thing...i'm sure he was just kidding anyways, right?

So the next day, which was yesterday, i was only a little sore. It was hard to squat down and pick things up and it was just a tight pull i could feel. Not horrible, but not comfortable either.

Then.I.Woke.Up.Today.

WHOLE NEW BALL GAME!

Text to Jake #1:
7:53 am
"OMG I am so sore today! I had to keep telling myself to NOT walk like a retard just getting down the stairs from my bedroom. I LOVE IT!!!"

(i said that love it part...but really....i had far more ...colorful... words in my head at the time)

Text to Jake #2
1:04pm
"Holding off on the retard walk is impossible. I walk like a wounded gazell kicking one leg out first and then dragging the other behind it. This is stupid."


While out to lunch today, i was seated in a booth. A chair is hard enough to get up from and down to when you pretty much don't have control of your own thigh muscles, but a booth...oh gosh. I was pretty sure Jake had prayed for this to happen, cause really...all the tables were open. Why can't we sit there. I don't give a rip about your stupid "section".

Half way through lunch i had to use the restroom. But knowing what it entailed just to get there, i decided i could hold off. By the end of lunch i really had to go. I used my arms as leverage, propped myself up off the bench seat and sort of threw myself to the edge. I couldn't use my legs to go straight, you think i could make them push me sidways? HA! Didn't even try. I managed to make it to standing position without making too many scary faces and started limping towards the womens restroom.

I entered there and what do you know, out of all 4 stalls, some stupid person had to be in the handicap one. The only one with handle bars. I seriously contemplated waiting there until they left. I don't care that there are 3 empty stalls. I NEED HANDLE BARS PEOPLE! How else do you lower yourself down to the level that these toilets are at? My legs sure can't do it!

As a reach to try and save what little dignity i still had at this place, i politly walked past the "Stall From God" and used one of the others. But guess what?!1? Good news folks! They were so skinny and narrow that i was able to use the top of the toilet paper dispenser and the pressure of the wall on the other side to lower myself down. Success at last!!!!

I did my business, then started to go through my purse and clean it out, cause really...i wasn't ready to attemp to stand up. I was just recovering from sitting down. Finally, purse clean, nails clipped and emails responded too via blackberry, i was ready. I stood right up, did a little whince, zipped my pants, grabbed my purse, washed my hands and hobbled right back to my booth.

oh gosh...that booth.


The rest of day was not much better. I babysat in the evening and rough housing boys and i did not make for a very fun (at least on my part) evening. I managed though and i don't even think they noticed. I just said i was getting old.

Tomorrow, i go again back to Jake. He said that if i don't get back in there while i am in pain, then it will just have to start all over. And i don't want that. I can not gurantee handicap stalls anywhere and and little ones are too small to bring a walker into with me...i'm thought about it. The kind with the tennis bals on the feet and everything! If you ever see me with one of those, you KNOW i'm working out!

If i am able to really commit to going this month as often as possible to Jakes and i feel like i have acutally gotten somewhere with my self dicipline then i will consider signing up for the Mud Run.

I will tell you more about it later, but for now, i just need to work on getting through tonight. And making it to the gym tomorrow.

_

KIDS!

Tonight while babysitting, the two boys (5yrs and 3.5yrs) and I were rough housing and playing on the couch and then at one point i sat up from under the "tent" blanket and the 5 yr old behind me said " Hey...you wanna hair cut?" .

YIKES!


I quickly slided my butt away from his couch cusion and said politely "No Thank You" To which he replied, "Why not, we have REAL hair scissors. I could do it for you really fast and it would work really good cause the scissors and REAL ones. You know, for hair".

Again, i said "No Thank You!!!!!!"

I quickly changed the subject and we moved on, but believe me, my hair was up in a bun so fast. NO more cute little pony tail hanging free to be snipped. Just so he could show me that the REAL scissors work good.

_


While having craft time with AA the other day, we were just creating things with the craft paper we had and tape. It turned out great, and AA was doing well. We only had the one pair of adult scissors as i didn't want to go hunting around the house for a kid pair and AA is only 4, i was doing all the cutting. However, i went to get a pencil and found another pair of adult scissors and so i let her have her own pair.

She looked at me and said "Are you sure i am allowed to use these big things?" Ha ha... "Yeah, it's ok. I'm right here and will watch you", i said. She started cutting and was doing well and so i turned back to my own craft project and then she pipes up and says "You know, i'm not bleeding over here yet, so that means that i'm pretty good at this so you don't have to worry about watching me. You don't have to look over here anymore".

To which i responded, "ok, that is great that you are not bleeding, good job! However i am going to just check to make sure you are cutting straight...is that ok?"

She said yes.

We work well together.

Dating...or not.

Today, while creating something online, i completed my project and submitted it and the website said "thank you for using evite please view our sponsor below" i thought to myself that they were very polite with their asking so i would take a look. What do ya know...it was a business card making place!

Now, i don't need business cards, but theirs were just so cute! However, upon a closer look, i realized that they were not just BUSINESS cards. They now have other options! Like MOMMY cards where it says your name and who your kids are and your contact info. Like...who would you give that too? Who do you not know now, but all of a sudden meet and want to give that information to? And who doesn't have a blackberry or an iPhone where they can just magically make it appear on the other persons phone or something? How many do you carry around in your purse? If you carry 20 would that make you seem over confident that people actually WANT your info? If you only carry one could you have underlying self confidence issues?

But then...my favorite was on this advertisement. It was a DATING card! It said

David Ross
"Fun personality and looking for a relationship" (or something just as stupid)
Contact info followed. Cell, email and twitter.

That got me thinking. What would i ever do with a dating card, but first, what would i put on it?
Here are some options:

Heidi Fields
Looking to change my last name. Please text me with yours to see if you even qualify.

or

Heidi Fields
Likes to color, hoard Cheeze-Its and travel. Not in that order. Usually all at once.

or

Heidi Fields
Average young adult woman currently jobless and seeking employment. Not necessarily my own but maybe a guy that has a job and can provide for my lack of desire to have a regular one. Willing to bear children and perform household duties. However you get to deal with the snot.


Once i have obtained these cards, when would it be appropriate to give them out? Would they make a person look even more stupid then they already are, or more sophisticated? I don't know anyone that would have those made for serious...maybe as a joke.

I think i will hold off for now.

-

KIDS!

The other day, i was babysitting a little 4 year old boy and we were driving to the store. When we got in the car i asked him what he wanted to listen to on the radio. He replied with "any station that plays Van Halen" and he was dead serious.
I couldn't find any.
So we rode in silence.

-

Dear Lord,

Thank you for another great day! It amazes me the way you answer prayers sometimes. And how you can "kill two birds with one stone" and bless two people with one act in completely different ways. You know what I'm talking about!

Please melt all the snow overnight. Thanks.

Love you!

Heidi

Hopes, Dreams and Cheez-It Crackers

My laptop has been resting for the last two months. I have used it once since i got home and then the battery died and then the power cord pooped out on me. Was that perfect timing as it was just after i got home and not still needing it for classes or was is bad timing...for i don't know why. We will go with good.

A new power cord is en route and i should be able to post more regularly then. Not that i have ever posted regularly...it is more of a mood blog thing i have here. If i am in the mood..i write! If not...i don't. I obviously feel no responsibility to my readers. Maybe that will come someday. Depending on when i wrap this sucker up.

-

PAST
Went to school and took some classes but got only credits and nothing else
PRESENT
Working at Massage Envy and babysitting. (A LOT!)
FUTURE
Obtain my massage therapy license and get on with my life already!


Let me explain.

So this last year was great. I had a love hate relationship with school, as i'm sure most people do (unless you are my sister, then school is just a step below heaven and why would you ever want to be done and leave that?!?!?) and i accomplished and learned a lot. However, i did not leave with a degree. I feel good about what i did accomplish, but i don't feel as though i really accomplished much academically. Personally is a whole different story. I sort of feel as thought i wish i had gotten a degree of some sort, but i'm not sure how i would have done that. I have thought about transferring my credits over here someone and finishing my AA, like at Green River or BCC or something like that, but i don't know. I'm not sure that is a goal of mine so would i be doing just to say i did it or would i be doing it for a reason that has a lasting result? We will come back to that.

Since i have been home, the plan has always been to start Massage Therapy school. I will be going to Renton Tech College if everything goes as planned. I was going to start this coming Spring, but thought that i would really like to pay for this up front. I don't want to go into debt. So i have decided that i will work this year and save enough to pay for school in full when i register.I feel that to be the best way and to feel as thought i don't have to work to live and to pay off debt. I can just work because i want to. So, Jan 2012 i will be starting school. I am planning on making an appointment with an adviser there in order to find out what i should be doing this year to prepare and how much it will be exactly and any pre tests i have to take i could get those done now. Also, what i really want to do, and this plan is only in my head and not actually thought out all the way, but i would love to go to school, get my LMP license and then work as a Massage Therapist with my own practice, while also going back to school to specialize in Child Massage and then start working at Children's Hospital. Now, i have NO IDEA if there is a need for this, or a market for such a degree, but i do know that i want to do it. I want to be able to use my career to help kids. And this is how i have chosen to do it. I would still have my own practice where i massage adults, but i would have my main career at the hospital or somewhere like it.

Now, to get to the point of having all this money, i am going to need to get a real job. I have been working at Massage Envy at the front desk just covering for a person that was traveling for the holidays but that gig is up the end of Jan. And as i know i could find enough nannying or babysitting jobs to fill up my days, i just don't know that it will work. I need health insurance, and i need to be a good tax payer and i need some stability. Plus, as much as i love to babysit, sometimes it takes up half of what i make just to get there. Living out in the boonies where i am i have to fill my gas tank nearly every other day. The plan is to move closer to town, like Issaquah area again, but i don't know when. Feb is my month for getting a job. I know i can do it. I just have not tried yet.


Life is interesting right now. I have no idea what i am doing or where i am going, i just know i am fine with whatever happens. Lord knows what he is doing. I will just go where he sends me.

-

I have had an addiction to Cheez-it's as of late. I don't know why. They are just so...crackery and cheesy and bite size and oh so yuummy! I need to kick this habit. The current bag (which is hiding so nobody else in the house can find it and eat any) is nearly done. I am thinking i will just do this COLD TURKEY! (cold turkey? where did that saying even come from? what does a cold turkey have to do with ANYTHING!) Please keep me in your prayers. GOD CARES ABOUT THE SMALL STUFF TOO!!!!
PS. Did you even know Cheez-It scrabble existed? Do you know how much fun that would be? OH MY WORD! I'm on a mission now. F.I.N.D. T.H.E.M.

-

I am going to start a new little section of this blog where i tell you of a funny kid story. I keep getting told by my family that i should write all this down, but this is as far as i am going to get for now. I don't remember most of them.

KIDS
The other night, i was watching two adorable 4 year old girls. They really were sweet. We had so much fun! One of them i had watched before, and it was at her house, the other, i had met that night for the first time. Their parents were going out to a movie together so we got to party together.

I walked into the house, and set my stuff down. Was introduced to the newbies and started to unpack the craft i had brought to do. This new little girl, lets call her LL, came up to me and said "You are beautiful AND you brought crafts, this is going to be a good night!" to which i responded "I AGREE!" The next sentence out of her mouth was "Later can we plan make believe and you can play my ugly stepmother?".

I said no.

Later on that night, the girls were told that they would have some popcorn and watch some On Demand shows and then fall asleep in the living room. We pulled out a mattress and put it on the floor and they laid down about 8:30 and started to watch some Bearnstein Bears (how do you even spell that?!?!) and by 11:00, AA was ready to go to sleep but since LL was wide awake she was trying to be brave and stay awake with her. So i looked around on the good ol On Demand and found a Sprout Kids goodnight show! YAY! I turned on the 30 minutes of lullabies and AA was out so fast we hardly had gotten started. Then, about 10 minutes into it, LL popped her head up, looked at me and said "This music makes me sleepy, and sad". So i said "why does it make you sad?" She replied, "you know those times that your heart just has a burst of emotion, and you just need to let it out?"

I said...."uuummm...yeeeaaahhhh...." sort of with a leary voice, thinking YOU ARE 4...are you for real?

LL said to me, "well, that is how this music makes me feel. But i will choose to sleep instead of cry".

I said "good choice".

She was asleep within 5 minutes.

The End.


Dear Lord,

Thank you for providing what i need when i need it, even if sometimes i don't agree with your timing beforehand. I know you know what you are doing. If i doubt you, it's not intentional, it is just my frustration being let out on you.
I have had a wonderful weekend and i owe it to you. Thank you for being there for me to vent to.

I love you.

Heidi

Startin Fresh

Chantel and I hanging with the whale


Eating lunch with friends




It is only 5 days into the new year and i am already feeling like it has gone by so fast. Where did those 5 days go? It was just new years eve like...yesterday!

What have i done with this new found fresh slate of mine?

Nothing.

Day One: Stayed in PJ's all day...figuring that a new year is like a new car...run it the first few days the way you want it to run the rest of it's life. Step on the gas hard every time you get in it and the car will expect that every time. Going slow will come hard. I figured that if i started my new year off slow and in my pa-ja-ja's and kept them on a while...my year might see lots of relaxing days and cute pajamas.

Day Two: Worked at Massage envy starting at 9am. so much for taking things slow.

Day Three Four and Five...I don't remember. So much driving, so much eating, so much massage envy...not very much sleep.

So tonight, i have decided that it is time to start up this part of my life again and share with you what i am going through and how i am going through it.

I had to change the name of this here online journal of mine as this is no longer an African Adventure. But let me assure you, this new future of mine will for sure be always referring back to that year that changed my life for the better.

The new name was chosen only because i could not come up with anything better. I thought and thought...and kept coming back to this. Once you get over the fact that it has nothing, and i mean NOTHING to do with Christmas, you will see my name... sort of...Heidi Joy...and understand that this blog is me talking to the world about the problems and fun and adventures i get to experience in it and with it.

Comments are welcome and i am not opposed to changing the name.

Too Christmasy?
Too much NOT my name?
Should my name even be in it?
Something more clever?

you let me know.


Tomorrow i will start filling you in what i am doing with my life now. Not that i'm totally sure about it yet...but i will explain the best i can, the best i know how to.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for getting me through the holiday's and being able to appreciate my family and friends. I am excited for what you have in store for me this coming year and hopefully i can stay focused enough to make sure to ask your opinion about every decision i make.

I love you.

Heidi

I'm Home!

Seattle at last! Snow at last! Family and Friends at last! I am so thankful to be home. I love this place. I love these people.

I am sorry for abandoning this here blog for the duration of mom and dad being with me, but things got really hectic really fast and with finals my life just got crazy!

It it over. My African Adventure is done. I may no longer live there, but a part of me will forever be left there with the people and the school. I have learned so much about myself, my attitude, my goals and my God. I am so grateful to God and to my parents for seeing that this whole year took place. I don't know where i would be today if i had not gone on this adventure.

Thank you to all my friends that have helped me get through this last year. I needed you just as much as my family. You have all be wonderful and i am blessed to say you are a part of my life.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for giving me the opportunities that you have. I love you and all you have done for me and that fact that i have goals in you now for my future. I have a long road ahead of me but i am happy to know that you will guide and be with me every step of it.

Thank you.

Heidi

November 1st is my favorite!

MOM AND DAD WILL BE HERE IN 24 HOURS!!!!!!!!

November 1st is the day they arrive. The glorious day that all my saved up mommy and daddy hugs can be released!

Sitting here, playing games on my computer at midnight because i am WIDE awake (long story there for another time) i am thinking about the last time i picked them up from the airport. Last March. Remember? That time i said MOM AND DAD ARE HERE...then didn't talk to you all for two weeks?!?!? I promise to be nicer this time.

While thinking back i recalled a story that i am not sure i shared with you all when it happend and i find it funny and feel the need to share.

Last March, i go with two of the guys from school here (teachers, missionaries, friends) to pick up mom and dad from the airport. They arrive, hugs go around and the whole group (all 8 of them) are stading around. There are a lot of people at the airport and while we are standing there waiting for everyone, a lady that was next to me asked about my t-shirt as i was wearing a shrit that said Issaquah Basketball or something...i don't remember. She asked if it was the Issaquah by Bellevue and i said yes and we got to talking. She said she was from Kirkland, right next to bellevue and so we were talking all about the area and what we did and where we were from. I thought it was going to be nice to get to know her on this trip as there are lots of people that come on the trips that i didn't know and going on missions trips is always fun. I thought she was new to the church or something. So we are talking and then mid sentence, my mom comes up to me and says we are leaving. I bend down pick up my bag and am pulled away by mom. I didn't even think anything of it, just that this girl and i would continue our conversation in the van on the way to the school. I talk to my mom while we walk in the front of the group and we get to the vans and i am looking around for this girl.

She is not there.

I ask mom where that girl was that i was talking to and that i had not caught her name and she said "what girl,there are no other ladies on this trip".

Hold up....huh?

I said i was talking to the girl that they came with all about home and i was in the middle of a conversation when she interuppted me...didn't she remember that girl??

mom said "yeah, i remember seeing her, i have no idea who she is though".

Oh gosh...so that means i was talking to someone and turned and left MID- SENTENCE!!!!! Try that...try talking to someone and then mid way through getting your thought out just turn and walk away. Then tell me that you don't feel INCREDIBLY stupid and guilty!

I did! This poor lady most likley thinks that i am a twat and rude and was most likely a little offended.

TO MY NEW FOUND FRIEND AT THE AIRPORT IN MARCH...i am sorry! I truly am sorry for being rude.

I have felt guilty about this all year.

I will never be able to apologize to her and that is sad.




So, acutally...this story was not as funny as i thought it was going to be...


it's late. I need to go to bed. Buuuuuttt...my game of free cell is not going to finish itself! Priorities!



Dear Lord,

Keep mom and dad safe on their flights here. Protect them and everyone with them. Thank you for allowing them the ability to come and do your work here. I pray all the projects are able to be finished in the time alloted and that we come under budget!

Love you! Heidi

I am done!

PRAISE THE LORD i am done with classes!

I finished up yesterday with all my school work and my classes and i am just loving it! 17 days till i am home again! Love it!

Thank you all for helping me get through this year with your support. I really do appreciate all the emails and cards. You really did do a huge part by keeping me sane.

I will update about the party we had and my weekend when it is over!

Have a great weekend!

Heidi

UPDATE!

GOD IS SO GOOD TO ME!


I went to the library and there was chocolate....LOTS of. more then they have ever had.

God answers prayers!

I bouhgt 9 of them.

Epic Post of Nothingness

First of all, i would like you to know that i have nothing to say today. However, with that said, i will now write a whole post about all the things i think about putting on here but just can not seem to figure out how to make a good post about them.

In a very random order...

1.) My fingers are shrinking.

Therefore....my rings are not fitting their proper fingers. Why is it that i am losing weight in my fingers...but not my tummy. And who even knew i had weight IN my fingers! I have small pudgy hands. Always have. No matter what size i was wearing in jeans...my fingers stayed the same. I have had a ring on one of my fingers for the last 5 years...and in 5 years, i have been a lot of different weights, trust me!! So why now does it stop fitting? Why do i have to move it to the bigger finger just to stay on? I am so frustrated by this. I'm not saying i want fat fingers so my rings fit...but...change is hard.

2.) Snacking helps....NONE!

I am in the middle of writing my last 6 papers as i have said before, and i was sitting in my room today thinking about food...cause i'm hungry..obviously. I decided that since i have to suffer in my dorm room like a real student, i might as well eat like a real student! I gathered my bag, empty, and walked to the library. Carrying an empty bag to the library, where the tuk shop is, is a bad sign...meaning i plan on buying more then my little pudgy fingers can carry back to my room. I arrived and grabed 3 cokes, 3 bags of lays, 2 bags of Doritos, 2 suckers and a packet of Meboss. (Meboss is a candy here that i love...like...extra super hard fruit leather that you suck on...sort of.) i fill up my bag and head back to my room. Sit down, turn my computer back on and pop open a coke.

I hate coke.

I do love the sugar high though!

I had a bag of lays and a bag of doritos and then started working! I got through a paragraph and was over it. I was done. I was full...frustrated....and frankly, just sick of working and sick of school and sick of this dorm room.

I think snack food is making me way cranky. Well...actually i think its the school work, but if blame it on the snacks, maybe i won't go there again!

3.) I had a case of the "terrible two's" the other day! I was acting like a little child. I was at the After School Program that i help out with and the kids were doing a word search and coloring a picture. They were all done with their word search and were calm and coloring so i sat down and started to color as well. So fun! However, i colored this little part of the paper that was a fire and the kids started to copy me and my coloring ideas...i got upset. I took another piece of paper and covered it so the kids couldn't copy me.I would sneak my hand under the page and color whit my head tilted to the side in order to see. Then...i remembered i am 28. I realized i don't actually care. I just had a "moment" and needed to exhort my independence. I finished coloring my page and the kids finished shortly after me...having the same exact page that looked exactly like mine. I was happy. They took my paper and started to show it around tot the other kids...then the other tables of kids started to copy mine. I'm glad i could teach them coloring technic. Even if they are copy cats!

4.) I'm brokeish. I have money...in the bank...just no bank. I am trapped like a rat here on this campus and even though i have money i could get if i ever could get out of here, i just have no way to get to the bank. no car...and those with cars are always busy. There is a petrol station just down the road but their ATM machines are corrupt and peoples cards get stolen there...so i'm not doing that.

Now being brokeish, i knew i was running on limited funds. I have a cup with change in it on my nightstand and usually a little something in the bottom of my purse. I was working on a paper last week and printed it in the library. Remember, there is only one printer on campus and it is in the library and you have to pay for your papers by the page and the library is as far away from my room as physically possible. So...i printed. Then i went to my change jar to get R1.20 to pay for the paper as it was 4 pages at R0.40 each. My jar was empty. I went to my purse. No cash. No change in the coin purse part. I looked to the bottom of the purse and whoo hoo! coins! I pulled them out only to find they were quarters. Quarters do me NO GOOD here. I was able to find R1.15 in my jacket pockets but that is it. I was short. I had to leave my paper in the library for three days until i was able to get the courage to ask someone to borow 5 cents. Ugh. I was embarresed and didn't want to. but...the paper was due.

I finally made it to the bank...and now the library is out of ink, so these next few papers are going to have to be emailed to the teachers...I CAN EMAIL THEM?!?!?!?!!?!? oh gosh...what a waste of money! and stress.

5.) I did decide (mostly from the encouragement i recieved) to start a new blog once i get home...so be on the lookout for that one. I might keep the same address but just change everything up on here...i don't know yet. I have no idea what i will talk about but that is fine. I will figure it out.

I am going to start training with my brother Jake and figuring out how to be skinny again so mabye i will use this place as my moaning board about how bad i hurt and how much i hate him for being a drill sargent...that could be fun!

6.) In a discussion about random things with my mom, Costco was mentioned which brought back fond memories of cheap hot dogs and diet cokes. them mom said something about their berry sundaes which i have never tried. I am so looking forward to these small little things about America! God did good with Costco!

7.) Black friday is coming! I'm so excited! New found family tradition is to go to the parade that day! We went last year and had a blast...well..just a few of us went, but we did have a great time. This year, the whole family is going to go and spend the whole day in Seattle! Parade, Starbucks, popcorn, Starbucks, PF Changs, Tully's, Pike Place Market, HOT NUTS, Starbucks, Christmas Tree lighting, Macy's star lighting, Starbucks! Such a wonderful day! Will you be at the parade? Wanna have coffee together? Cause i do!

8.) Did you know that last Monday was the two month mark for Christmas? Who is done with their shopping? Who is the over-achiever that thinks they are cool for getting it done early? Your not cool! Your WEIRD! It's tradition and FUN to be in all the hussle and bustle and yelling and screaming and grabbing and laughing at the mall the week before Christmas! Don't avoid it...embrace it!

9.) I get to have Taco's on friday. Over the top excited.

10.) Mom and Dad will be here in 6 days.

11.) Just recently realized i have enough underware to last me for two full months without doing laundry. Kinda cool...mostly gross.

The End.

I feel that this has qualified as the worst way to avoid writing my paper.

I have so many issues.

Dear Lord,

Today is a great day for studying...except that you made is sunny out...and warm...and you gave me this uncanny ability to find things that need to be done rather then working on my paper. I have no classes today and yet i still seem to think i should do something else rather then study. Why am i like that? What was your purpose for that? Or did i create and let grow that ability. I think i need to focus more. Help me do that. Help me to get this dang (can i say dang to you?)paper done and get it handed in. I don't care what grade i get on it, i just want to be able to say that i completed it. If i do my best, then that is the best grade i could get. Let's get to it!

I have two days of classes left. Help me to finish strong and stay in a good mood. People are starting to get ultra crabby around here and it's getting annoying. Work on/in/with them, k?

Thank you for providing for my needs...except just as a reminder, the library tuk shop ran out of chocolate...do your thing there! I'll go check in a little while! Thanks!

Love you bunches!

Your daughter,
Heidi

This is the last one...

...i hear that all the time now! This is the last class here, the last chapel, the last test, the last lecture, the last time waking up at 6am and the last of the cookies!

I'm not so sure how i am feeling about it. Maybe if i was further along in my paper writing, i would feel a bit better, but since it is tuesday and i have 6 papers to still write, i am a little freaking out. I am not ready for "the last" anything yet...unless it's "the last PAPER i'll EVER write again!"

Friday is my last day of classes. I have one 8-10 page paper for Hebrews due yesterday that i am only part way done with. I have a re write of two New Testament papers, i have three Psychology papers to write. I have Boost Africa after classes today, i have a dinner with the Missions Team tomorrow night, i have dinner plans with a friend on thursday and a party on Friday with all the dorm girls. That equals to no nights to work on this stuff.

Some of these silly students are staying up all night long. I am not that cool. I used to be...but this whole turning 28 thing and getting old has really gotten to me. I just can't sustain anymore. I NEED my sleep. I'm cranky with it sometimes, so can you imagine me withOUT it?

I wish i knew magic. I could just wave my wand (yes i would have a wand if i knew magic) and say "Hocus Pocus Paper be DONE!" and it would totally work. I'm sure of it.

After friday, i have to prepare for finals. I have 4 finals to take. One next Thursday, one Friday, one the next Monday and one the next Wednesday. Then it's over. I am free. I can say I DID IT! but....for now. I still have 6 papers to write in around 4 hours of free time. I'm smart though...i will figure it out. I'm sure of it.

Dear Lord,

...help.

Heidi

Adult Face

At what point in life do you finally look like you are going to look as an adult? When do i stop looking like a teenager and look like a grown up? I think i am almost there. When i look at myself in the mirror, i say "ok, nearly done. You can stop aging anytime." But honestly....how do you know? Does your face stop growing? Am i to the point where stuff starts to shrink and go south? Surley 28 is too young for that! I really hope so! Especially when people don't believe that i am over 22!

At what point did you think you looked like an adult? I am very curious.


Friends, IT IS HOT HERE! I am longing to wear my shorts and tank tops, but they are packed away and i am lazy...so i wear jeans and sweat all day. The sweatshirts have gone un-worn for the last week and i am loving it! With less then a month till i am home, i have little precious time to become a colored person! I need as much sun as i can get if i 'm going to apprear as if i left Seattle at all! I can't come home more white then when i left! That just would be wrong in my head! Not so much excited about only getting a month of summer and then heading back into winter, but i am sure i will survive. If the rumors are right, this winter just might be exciting! Snow for EVERYONE!

I have started packing my things. Sad really. Yet, oh so thrilling at the same time! I am going through my clothes and deciding what i want to leave here and what i want to take with me. If i did not wear the clothes all year while i am here, there is no point in lugging them back to the states to not wear there! I am givng away a whole box of things! Books, papers, cards, clothes, jewlery, junk! It feels good! New start when i get home!

My friend Jenny, dear dear Jenny, oh i love thee! She has been the most faithful of my friends since i have been here! Out of everyone she WINS! She has sent me a card nearly every monday! I get random sweetness from here all the time and i love it. It has made me feel so connected to home and missed. She periodically slips in some Starbucks VIA's or some crystal light or Viamin-C things. Love her for that! This past week, however, she out-did herself! She sent me the new Starbucks VANILLA VIA! Oh my goodness! It's like gold in my mouth! I made the cup of coffee and then retreated to my room to enjoy it in peace! It was the most lovely thing anyone could do for me! Thank you Jenny for being such a great and faithful friend. I am sorry that i will miss you by 3 weeks as you are moving far far away. We will reconnect somehow once i am home! You are a treasure from God to me and i cherish you. I hope you know that.


Yesterday in class, i noticed and had to laugh at this little ....uumm...thing. Our teacher writes on the board usually, but sometime she will just say something that we have to write down. Most student have computers in class but i found that i would be too distracted by other things on my computer to pay attention so i stopped bringing mine. So i hand write everything. My teacher said something yesterday that we all had to write down and so i wrote it down and then was ready for what was next and the teacher asked, "ok, all ready to move on?" and the people with computers were NOT READY! How is it that a person can hand write faster then another person can type. These people are not new to computers. I don't even understand how they get their homework done. If a paper takes me 30 minutes to write, i'm sure it takes them 3 hours. So sad. I laughed, but now that i think about it i guess it's not really that funny.

hhhmmm...


12 days till mom and dad are here! YAY!!! 28 days till i am HOME! So awesome!

Dear Lord,

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to have such great experiences. I pray that i will be able to finish this semester well. I am not liking doing all these papers, but i know that it will soon be over.

I love you!

Heidi

Questions:

Do you think God has nicknames for us? What is yours?
When did you get your adult face?
Do you have a good recipe for salsa? (and not that mango junk either!)

Africa Arise

This weekend was just down right exhausting!

We had an event planned as a scholarship fundraiser and it was to be a semi-formal event. Catered dinner for 160 people, a well know singer to perform and a speech telling about the school. So fun. I spent all of Friday afternoon/night (till 11pm) helping get things set up and then saterday morning, we went into the hall where it was to be to discover that the school had been broken into that night and someone stole our whole sound system. So sad. It appears to be done by someone that has been on the campus before because they go the security code somehow so that he did not have to 'break' anything. They just walked in, took the stuff and walked out. Not a great way to start off the day of the event.

After many tears and stress, we were granted permission to borrow the sound system of the guy singing so it worked out in the end, but investigators had to be brought in to go over the burglery and it is a big mess.

The even went great and we were able to get several people to pledge money for scholarships. It was such a great success. There were little to no complints from the attendees and the workers! How often does that happen?!

After the event, which i attended rathen then helped at, i changed and volunteered to help take everything down and clean up. The place we got the dishes from was coming the next morning to pick everything up and they require it all to be washed and cleaned. We had 7 people washing and drying and then i was counting and boxing it all up. I had to count 160 dinner plates, 160 salad plates, 160 soup bowls, 160 desert bowls, 160 tea cups, 160 soup spoons, 160 regular spoons, 160 tea spoons, 160 forks and 160 knives. But everything was not getting washed at the same time, or in order so it was HECTIC! I finally was able to get a little help and we managed to finish up around 1:00am. I was SO TIRED! It has been such a long day. With helping out before the event i had to change my "getting ready" time from 3 hours to 45 minutes. Not cool, but thankfully i'm wonder-woman, otherwise it might have been disasterous!

I went to be at 2:00am finally and just collapsed. It felt so great to be in bed, no matter how uncomfortable my bed is, i didn't care at that moment. I hit the pillow and was out.

Unfortunatly ih ad forgotten to turn my alarm off, so it went off at 9:00am (yes, that is when my alarm is set for...9:00am is early! pretty much) I turned it off and rolled back over and went back to sleep. Friends! I woke up at 2:30PM! That would be IN THE AFTERNOON!!!! Gosh it felt great! I got out of bed, slugged over to the lounge and put in a movie. Then i proceeded to watch two more movies and then go back to bed. What a great day.

Today, Monday, i woke up so rested! It was great! I need more days like that!

Here are a few pictures of me and some friends at the event. I unfortunatly forgot i had my camera on me until the event was nearly over, and one of them is upside down but i didn't realize it until it was already uploaded to the blog and you all know my internet, i'm not going to try to fix it and upload again. You can turn your self or your computer upside down. I don't really care.


Dear Lord,

Thank you for being faithful, when we are doing something so great as to help students attended Bible school by raising scholarships, the devil had to come and steal our equipment, but despite his efforts, you have once again come through for us and provided. Thank you for blessing those that follow your call.

Love you!

Heidi

SNOT on me once, shame on me..SNOT on my twice...shame on me again!

Tonight i babysat.

You mothers out there, do you have that one thing that just grosses you out? Most people/mothers have that thing. My mom's is throw up. She can deal with most anything else, but throw up... that is where dad pops into the picture!

Throughout most of my 18 year babysitting career, i have noticed that my "thing" is snot. I hate snot. I hate looking at kids with snot, and i hate touching kids with snot. Even worse, i hate the age where the kid has not learned how to "blow" yet and just lets you wipe the never ended sting of snot of their face until a minute later when you thow away the tissue it comes back again, a whole new string, neverending. LEARN TO BLOW KID! THEN WIPE IT YOURSELF!

But since mostly my choices are to look at it, or deal with it, i usually chose to deal with it.

Tonight, while babysitting, the one year old had A LOT of snot. It was disgusting! I gagged several times just looking at him across the room. It was that bad people!

Dripping down from his nose into his mouth, him not even noticing enough to wipe it with his hand, and thankgoodness for that, cause if there is anyting worse then snot coming out of a kids nose, it's snot that is coming out of a kids nose with a snotty line hanging to his hand and then attached to his shirt and you can see it dangling there. All green and white and slimy.

I am gagging while i write this.

Anyway, i was giving the kids a bath, and the one year old, all of a sudden learned how to wipe his nose! With his hand! And then proceded to shove it in my face! I FREAKED! I jumped up, not haveing noticed it coming and grabbed a towel off the side of the bath tub and just threw it on him. It got all wet but a big person bath towel was needed for this kid's nose...it's not too big, i swear!

After totally wiping the whole kid down, i got back down on the floor keeping my eyes on him and started playing again with the toys and the other little boy that was in there as well.

Silly me, forgetting about the neverending snot. I was not paying attention and i had turned my head to do something and when i turned back around, little man was right up against my face, with him finger full of snot, and promptly swiped it across my eye. I now was adorned with green snot eye shadow. Thankfully i had closed my eyes, bracing for the trama as a retreat was not avaliable.

He laughed.

I cried.

I threw up.

He still laughed.

I cleaned myself up, and decided bath time was over. This kid needed to go to bed. Or at least go somewhere else. Away from me.

UGH.

Out of the bath, his nose stopped running and i was able to again, hold him and cuddle, but belive me, i kept a good eye on that nose and those fingers. I learned my lesson!


On another note, I went to the OB/GYN yesterday. Wait...which letters are the baby part? I didn't go for that. I went for the girly part..is that the GYN part or the OB part? So confusing.

I got a papsmear. I'm not ashamed to tell you about it either.

That is two pap's this year!!!! I'm pretty sure i deserve some sort of award or somthing. Or...well...at lease a condolence card would be nice.

I will find out in a week if i am normal or not. Last time they found something "unusual" and wanted me to come back in 6 monts rather then a year.

She said it was really no big deal, and not to worry. I said ok! And i left. The whole appointment was 10 minutes long. 6 of those minutes was the dressing/undressing part. I'm not one to linger around and chat it up with the lady that just did that to me. I need time after these things people!



I am feeling much better from my last post. I don't know what that silly little tummy bug was about, but it got me good! I didn't eat from Tuesday till Saturday! And i wasnt' even hungry. Then Saturday and Sunday, i totally made up for the rest of the week! Like a champt i stuffed myself.

Now, this week, appatite has left me again. I don't know what is it. I just don't want to put this food in my body. Is it more healthy to eat nothing, or to put CRAP into your body? Cause those are my options. Without having cooking facilities, i am not able to prepare anything for myself and you can only eat so many oranges and apples and carrots and ramen noodles.


Wanna hear a cool story?!?!? So, this is totally a God thing! Now you remember when i told you that i was about out of coffee (VIA) and i was not sure what i was going to do? Well, two peole came to my rescue!!! One, my mom. For my birthday last month she sent me a package on August 27th stuffed with VIA's so that i would get it by my birthday! So awesome of her! She didn't tell me what she sent me, but i kinda had a feeling, cause nearly every converstation ended with me whining about what i was going to do about my coffee situation. My birthday came and went, and saw no package.

Now, this other person, my dear friend Mona, also said she would hook me up with some VIA! How great is it to have friends that like you! I mean seriously!Don't burn a bridge...you may need coffee someday! So on or around September 10th, mona sent me her lovely package full of little VIA packets! Bless your soul! That arrived three weeks later. Wonderful day, and guess what....it arrived on the day that i only had one VIA left from my previous stash! God is so good!

But that is not the cool part...well, it's cool, but not the point of my story.

Another week went by and i still had not recieved my mom's package of coffee, which also contained my birthday card. I finally had her get me the tracking number so that i could do some investigating. While looking for this information, she noticed that in her busyness of a life, she had forgotten to put the PO BOX # on the address. She accidentally left the whole line out. It just said Heidi Fields c/o CTS Bloubergrant, 7443. Not good enough for the mail system my friends.

I wrote down what the package had as an address and found someone to give me a ride to the post office. I waited in a HUGE line with my little sticky note and got the window and they guy said "sorry, we need the tracking number" I looked at the note and OHMYGOSH! i had forgotten to write the tracking number down. So frustrating. If i had of driven myself and been able to run back and get the tracking number i would have found this to me annoying but not REALLY annoying. My ride was not the type of person i could just aske to run me back to school and then back to the post office, especially since it was nearly 4:30 and traffic was about to get bad.

So i went back, wrote a new sticky note and put it in my purse, thinking of when and how i was going to get back to the post office. This had been a Monday. Tuesday is when i got that silly tummy bug and as out all day in my room that afternoon and all day wednesday, not even going downstairs or out of my dorm.

I go downstairs on Thursday and as i am walking to class i pass tthe student boxes and i notice that i have a package in mine. YAY, i love mail. I had no idea who it could have been from though unelss someone was surprising me with something. I pulled it out and as you guess, i'm sure, it was from my mom.

I turned my patootie around and went straight to the office. I asked the guy that gets the mail, where it came from. He said that it was just shoved into the PO BOX on wednesday when he got the mail.

FRIENDS....this is totally GOD! See, here, they don't do that. If there is a package, a padded envelope or even an oversized envelope, something small or just something other then a bill basically, they put a card in the box and make you wait in line to retieve it. They had never had a package in there before.

There was not unual making on the package. Just the stamps and address. Still no PO BOX number. It didn't have a note saying where to put it. Nobody had written the PO BOX on it. Just blank.

And i know what you are thinking.."it said CTS, so they just put it with the rest of the CTS mail tha comes in" but no my friends....there at 3 CTS's around this here town. There is no way they would have know which box to put it in.

God is so good! I not only got my coffee from Mona, but i got my coffee from mommy as well, even though it took a month and a half to get here! God's timing is always perfect!

Thank you JESUS!

I am down to two and half weeks of classes. I have 11 papers to write (actually 6 of them are re-submits). I am getting so excited to be done with all this. I have a lot to do in a little amount of time, but there is not point in worrying about any of it. I will do it, i will get a good grade and i will be happy! End of story! If you think like there is no other option, then it becomes true.

Thank you for all your prayers! I appreciate you all!

Dear Lord,

Thank you for my coffe, and for my mommy and for mona and for everyone else that slips a VIA in their cards when they send me mail. I love each of my friends! You have place the people in my life that i needed for this time. Thank you for being all knowing and looking ahead to what i will need.

Please help my test come back from the Dr. as fine and healthy. Thanks.

I am starting to buckle down and get things done, please be with me as i try and concentrate and get these remaining papers done. I know i will need your help.

I love you!

Heidi

my tummy hurts...

Friends, please keep me in your prayers. I have a very odd and painful tummy ache. I got sick after dinner on tuesday night and have not been able to keep anything down since. I slept through the whole day on wednesday, made it through most of thursday and slept through all but two classes today (friday). I have no plans tomorrow except paper writing, so i can take it easy which will be good. But not eating anything i'm sure is not helping. I am hungry, but the thought of eating makes me feel even more sick.

Please pray that i will feel better soon. I have too much to do to be sick right now.

Dear Lord,

Please help me to fell better. I don't like being sick.

Thanks,

Heidi

for the love!

I did it. I finished my paper! Thank you Mona for the wonderful pep talk. I knoocked most of it out in an hour and a half. After that time, my brain shut off. I could literally feel it going PPPHHHhhhheeeeewwwwww... and then nothing. So i crawled into bed and let the paper and myself rest till morning.

This afternoon i finished it up and turned it. What a great feeling. However, i feel as though i did a bad job just to get it done and i didn't actually follow ALL the rules set out for it. Oh well. I know i won't fail and that is all i really care about.

After it was turned in, i flipped open my calendar with all my homework assignments on it and realized with alarm, that i had another paper due for the same teacher yesterday! I didn't even know about it! And it was due yesterday! I am swimming in papers!

I went to the library after classes, got a few books and came back to my room to work. This paper was only a 4pg-er so i knocked it out in about 2 hours. I was supposed to use like 4 resources and quotes scripture and stuff....i didn't. I used two resources and didn't even mention the Bible. Oh well. We get to re-write thos anyways.

I am dead tired and am going to go to bed early tonight. Like at 7:30pm. Sound wonderful!

What time are YOU going to bed tonight? Are you jealous of me right now?

Dear Lord,

Give me the strenght to get through the last 6 papers that are due this month. I know i can do it even if i don't want to. Thanks for your encouragement!

Heidi

Lessons

Is it more productive to know of a lesson you are supposed to learn and thus eliminating the need to actually go through the process of learning it, or to actually go through the stress of life and learn the darn lesson?

I have this paper you see. It seems to not be going away. I seem to be leaving it all the time, and yet…it stays there, waiting for some attention from me.
This is the conclusion that I have come to.

99.9% of the people here at CTS are here in order to get some sort of degree in order to work in the ministry at a church as a pastor or missionary or something. They are called by God to learn more about His word and to prepare themselves for the work He has laid out for them.

I am here to get away from my life in Seattle for a while.

See the difference? Nobody else used this as a runaway location. Nobody else chose to move across the world to go to school in order to NOT get a degree. Nobody else spent thousands of dollars just to say “well, that was fun, what should I do next with my life?”

I know God has a plan for my life and I know that I don’t know what that plan is, however, I highly feel that I am NOT called into the ministry in a normal way that would require me to analyze the in-depth features of every book of the Bible. I feel at most, I would work with kids. And I can tell you, if I can hardly pronounce the stuff I am learning, I will not be teaching it to kids. Does any 5 yr old you know understand words like ‘exegesis’ and ‘soteriology’ and christology’ and ‘pauline authorship’ and a better question, are they like me and NOT CARE?!?!?! (you should know my spell check doesn’t even recognize those words, that should tell you something!)

So back to my paper. I have this paper that I have to write for Hebrew class. It’s all about finding the verses in the book that lead a person to exhort faithfulness (I had to look up exhort…not a good start) then I have to say why I think that these exhortations are needed for the people that the letter was written to. And then I have to tell how I think the exhortations apply to life today. However, I not only have to decide on my own what this is, but I have to consult 8 other resources and find out what they think and then compare and contrast my thoughts with theirs. This paper is to be 10 pages long.

I know that the lesson I am to learn is to persevere even when I don’t see a point. Even though I am not going after a Bible degree, and I don’t really NEED to know this information, I am supposed to know what it is like to take a challenge head on and see it through to the end. Go through the storm and learn the lesson on the other side. Keep the faith!

My question is, though, my friends, if I already know that I am going to learn a lesson, isn’t’ that in a way saying that I have already learned it? So, why go through a storm for something I already know? Right?

Probably wrong.

I am not the best at giving myself pep talks. I am REALLY GOOD at talking myself OUT of things. Not into them! (Except when it comes to buying shoes!...or…well…anything)

I know that I need to finish this stinkin paper. It was due today and I only have 700 words so far. It needs to be 2500 words. I have a very long ways to go and no motivation to get it done. I keep telling myself that I have better things to do with my life then write this stupid paper. When really, I live in a semi-prison of a place and honestly DON’T have anything better to do. Except maybe take a nap. Which, as we all know are just as important as anything else in this life.

This paper WILL get turned in today. This paper WILL be 2500 words or more. And. This paper WILL be awesome.
Believe it. See it. Grab it. Claim it. Own it.


Dear Lord,

Please oh Please let me figure this out. Give me what I need in order to get through this paper. I have a long ways to go and don’t even want to open the document or any of the books. I want a nap.
Thank you for allowing me to be in a good mood all day till now. I will do better with my attitude towards these lessons you are teaching me. No matter how stupid I think they are.

I love you.

Heidi

Neglect - and what follows

Neglect v. To ignore; to pay no attention to; to fail to perform.

I have neglected my blog. And in a sense, it means i have neglected you, my friends and family.

I have had the most time this last week that i have had all semester to blog, and i chose not to. Notice that i did not say i forgot to, i CHOSE not to. Pretty sure i am the definition of neglectful.

I have ignored you, i have paid you no attention and i have failed to perform.

However....i have had the most wonderful time doing it!

Last Thursday, after classes, we started our spring break! Friday was a holiday, not sure which one, and then we had the weekend and all this week and we don't go back to classes until the 4th. So great!

I have 11 papers to write. Not so great.

Friday i did nothing. absolutely nothing.

Saturday i got up and went over to Greg and Emily's. We hung out all day and had a relaxing night. We had a braai and watched a movie and just enjoyed our quiet time. I started to write a paper that night. Then on Sunday we went to church (where Greg spoke) and then went out to lunch and THE WORLD'S BEST CHINESE FOOD! and then we did a few errands and then went home for an afternoon of whatever we wanted. Naps, movies, writing of papers. It all happened! I spend the night again, seeing as i did not have classes the next day and Greg took me back to campus in the morning. I then went to my room and sat at my desk and watched the full first season of House. I had borrowed it intending to watch it after i was done with my break and all my homework. I couldn't wait. I got through nearly all of it before it was 1am and i had to sleep or else i would miss quality information and i would have to watch the episode again.

Tuesday i woke up at noon. I grabbed my computer and finished the last two episodes while still sitting in bed. Then i got up and cleaned my room, took a shower and and started a paper at 3:00pm. I finished that paper as well as 3 others by time the night was over. Yay! 4 papers down! 7 to go!

Wednesday morning came and i woke up at 8:00, got into some scrubby clothes and headed downstairs. Today was the day that the girls were going to do some manual labor. See, last semester the we were bought a fridge for the girls dorm but we had to pay for it by working the hours doing work for the school. This was our big project. We were removing tile from a few hallways and entryways so that when the missions team comes they can lay the new stuff. It is just helpful for them to already have the tile up and they can get started right away on the new stuff.

For the most part, it was pretty easy. After about 45 minutes, we were about done. We just had a few hard spots where the tiles were being picky. I let the girls finish up the cleaning and i started in on the hard spots. Oh boy, i had no idea how hard they were when i got there. I was on my hands and knees, along with the other girls for the next 3 hours. It was a small section in a back hallway and an entryway and it was so HARD! The tile just did NOT want to come up. Not sure if it was the type of glue or type of tile, but it was horrible. The guy that set us all up with the project said that he did not have gloves, so we are all doing this without gloves. One of the girls was in her curlers and several of them had slippers on, which was funny, but not harmful like no gloves. Such a lack of communication and planning on their part. Or do i have to do EVERYTHING around here.

At 1:30 we finally get all the time up and clean up the floor and are in so much that we all collapse into our beds. There is NO noise in the hallways upstairs for the next several hours. Everyone was OUT!

At 5:00pm i woke up and went into the lounge and watched a movie. After that i wrote another paper and am now writing this blog.

I have skimmed down my list of papers to write as i was trying to get them all done for the rest of the semester, but seeing as i have plans for all of tomorrow and Friday, that only leaves me with Saturday and Sunday to do the rest of them and the one that is really due on Monday, is 10-15 pages long, so i think i will focus on that one. the next paper is not due until two weeks after school starts anyways.

I am not sure why it was that i did not want to write. I guess i am starting to feel like this life is so boring and I'm over it and i am ready to come home so if i am bored with it, why would i want to tell anyone about it.

This blog needs a facelift and an attitude adjustment i believe. I will be pondering this thought. I have also considered just stopping it as i find it boring to read.

Please let me know if you would like me to keep it going or just stop while I'm ahead (if this is what you can call ahead).

Dear Lord,

Please help me to be productive in the days to come before classes. I need focus and motivation. Tomorrow i am going with some friends to see the whales, please keep us safe in our travels and let us see lots of whales and get good photo's!
Thank you for teaching me some much needed lessons lately. I am aware of the things you are changing in me and i thank you for it. I pray that with time, and practice, my attitude will reflect what you have planned for me.

Love,

Heidi

i had pictures to upload, but i am afraid that is just too much for this internet to handle...sorry! Maybe next time.

MOM, I NEED A COUNSELOR!

Last night, I was utterly frustrated. I had 5 papers to write and was not able to get to my room until 8pm. Normally, that would not be a problem, however, this day, I did not get a nap.

I sat down at my computer, opened up the appropriate files and started to write paper number one. I got one page into it and had said everything there was to say and all that I wanted to get across. However, the paper needed to be no less than two pages. What to do. I tried staring at my computer screen while tears slowly crept to my eyes, because FOR THE LOVE this is too many essays on stupid subjects. But that had no effect.

I shut my computer off. Crawled into bed and let myself relax a bit. Found that I was mostly tired and should just give into the South African in me and not care if my paper is late. I'm the only person in the school that turns anything in on time anyway, and really..who am I trying to impress?!?

I changed into my pj's, slipped into bed and set my alarm for two hours. I figured a nice cat nap would do me good and then I could wake up, finish my papers and then get back to bed about 2am. It was a good plan in my head.

I laid my head down on my pillow, closed my eyes and tried to will myself to sleep.

Nothing came.

I was WIDE awake friends! I was sleepy, yet not about to fall asleep at 8pm. My second wind had hit, yet had not sent the message to the rest of my body. Just my eyes and half my brain.

I sit up in my bed, staring about, looking around thinking of something that I could do that just might make me fall asleep and homework quickly came to mind. I simply put that aside as a crazy thought and moved on. Then I noticed that I had my tweezers on my night stand. Hhhmm...i picked them up and looked at my eyebrows in the mirror. They were fine.

That is when it came to me. If I can pluck my eyebrows and the hair stays away for two weeks, can't I do that to my legs too?

Seemed logical at the time.

I flipped my leg out from under the covers, pulled up my sweat-pants leg and started right in the middle of the side of my left calf. Thinking this might hurt a little, I prepped my breath by holding it so that I would not scream...

PLUCK!

...not so bad. I continued with a few other hairs and made a nice hairless hole right in the middle of my leg. Maybe not the best place to start. I then decided that I would start at my ankle and move my way up. This couldn't take that long, right?

WRONG! Did you know I have like a bajillion hairs on my legs? I got about 30 hairs into it and realized that just because each pluck was not so painful, the action of plucking as a whole, made my toes numb. They started to tingle. I stretched out my leg and gave it a rest. I now have a wibbly shape of hairlessness starting from my ankle and ending in a big open hole on my calf.

Maybe this was not the best idea.

Again tears came to my eyes, because, really, is this what I have come to? An overly exhausted 28yr old holed up in a cement dorm room with no heat that decided the best possible option of things to do at 8pm on a Wednesday night is to pluck her leg hairs?

I'm pretty sure this is not what I signed up for.

“Invest in a good razor”...I'm pretty sure that is what my counselor is going to tell me once I get admitted into a home after this year here in this crazy place. And to be honest, I will take that as sound advice.

Dear Lord,

OH DEAR LORD! WHY ME?!?!?!? WHAT IS GOING ON????

S.A.V.E. M.E.

Sane or not, I love you.

Heidi

update

I have the first three essays completed!

YAY!

I'm going to bed!

a little busy here

Don't feel neglected. I do remember that you are here and i have been thinking about what i should update you all on, however, i have nine papers due this week and i just have not had the time to think in an abstract enough way to write on here. Here is a list of my papers.


2pgs - Cause and Effect Essay
2pgs - Description of a person (i chose my grandpa)
2pgs - Narration of a party (i chose my own)
2pgs - Exposition - how to take an objective test
2pgs - Argument - why is it wrong to plagerize
3-4pgs - The book of 1 Timothy - who what where when and why
3-4pgs - The book of Matthew - who what where when and why
3-4 pgs - The book of 1 Corinthians - who what where when and why
10-15pgs - Book review and how the book of Hebrews effects, reflects and changes my faith

This week will be hectic and full of late nights. I will do my best to keep you posted on what i am up to, but it might be sparatic at best.

After this Thursday, i am on break for a week and a half so i might be able to get some more blog post done at that time.

Thanks for all your prayers and support! Love you!

Dear Lord,

Thank you for stretching my brain with all this work. Even if i think some of it is stupid. I trust you will use it for your glory. Even if it's just in my attitude about doing things i don't want to do. I need to stay awake tonight for a very long time, so help me with that please.

You are wonderful!

Love, Heidi



PS...have you stopped by Levi's coffee stand yet?

Want my Birthday? You can HAVE IT!

I'm too old for birthday parties!

I do love ATTENDING birthday parties, as long as they are for someone else. This whole attention thing has got me all emotional...and not in a good way. I get crabby!

I have a dear sister, whom i love but that is of the total opposite brains that i am. She LOVES her birthday! She loves the gifts, the attention and the love that comes with having family and friends around that loves you and wants to share the special day. Perfectly fine, and frankly, pretty darn normal!

I on the other hand, am ok if you don't remember. I don't take it as offensive that you just forgot that it was the day i was born. It hinders our friendship not one bit. I will love you despite that fact.

My favorite birthday up to date, has been the one a few years ago when i was at work and people kept coming up to me to say Happy Birthday and so after lunch (which i was too busy to eat because of people talking to me) and the cake and all that singing, i just couldn't take it anymore, so i told my boss i was "OUT OF THERE"! I left for the day. I took the afternoon off and went straight to taco time. I got food, drove home, dragged my tv and dvd player into my room and sat in my bed, eating my yummy food and watching a movie. At 1pm. Then, i promptly took a nap.

Of all the parties ta ht i have had, all the fun times and going outs and family dinners. That is the one i remember the most. It was what i WANTED to do. It was all by myself and i was being rebellious by eating in my bed, in the middle of the day, when i should have been at work being productive.

Low key is the key!

Now we get to this year.

I have no car to flee from this place. I have to option of NOT going to classes. I had to endure the day filled with well wishes and hugs above and beyond what normally are given out.

I got a phone call from daddy at 5:30am. Bittersweet phone call. I'm sure if it was daylight out, i might have remembered something about it. I promptly fell back to sleep.

I awoke later in the morning to the sound of the other girls singing happy birthday to me in the hallway. Nice thought, but please, do me a favor and let me sleep. Just cause you are up doesn't mean the rest of us have to be! (i start the day out crabby!)

I shower and get ready and head down for breakfast. I meet up with a few people that say happy birthday and i gracefully accept and say thanks and eat my breakfast. I then head to class.

First period. The whole class sings Happy Birthday to me. I smile, and wait for it to be over and for these crazy people to stop looking at me.

Second Period. The whole class sings to me. again. same people.

Chapel. The whole school sings to me. Make me stand up. I am totally uncomfortable with it.

Tea Time. I am in the hallway talking to a teacher as i was not interested in eating anything or having coffee. Simon comes up to me and tells me that i need to come to the cafeteria because people are starting to get restless and they need me there. I don't know what he is talking about but am not done with my chat so the teacher walks with me as i let Simon lead me to the cafe. I walk in, still talking to my teacher friend and everyone starts to sing Happy Birthday to me. There are 5 cakes on a tray that Simon had bought to share. I was totally surprised and stunned and was so happy when the song stopped. I said my shy Thank You and walked over to the tray. I was told that because it was my birthday i had to have a piece of each of the 5 cakes. I am not a big fan of the cakes there, but i wanted to be polite. I was able to get Simon to just let me have two, and said that i would try the others if there was some left. He seemed ok with that. They were actually alright.

Everyone finished up and left for classes. I had a free period for Third period so that was nice. I was able to stay in my room and get some things caught up. Wrote some emails and got responded to facebook notes.

Fourth Period. They whole class sang to me again. At this point, i was getting annoyed. I smiled, said thank you and asked if we could continue with class. TOO MUCH SINGING!

Lunch came and i was escorted to the front of the line to get my food. So nice of them. That is did appreciate! I was hungry! I sat down and started eating when i got a phone call from a friend calling to tell me that he can't talk now but that he would call me later. Very confusing on my part, but i just said ok and let it be. I never heard from him again. Some people are weird.


After lunch i had another free period, so i used the time to lock myself in my room and get some work done. Knowing that my evening was busy i needed to get some homework accomplished. I came out around 4:30pm and started to get my evening set up.

See...i was having a party. The girls like to have birthday parties here, But they are not able to afford any sort of party, and they way it works here is you throw your own party for the other people. It's a chance for other to come say Happy Birthday to you. I had agreed to do it and got permission to have it downstairs in the staff lounge. This was a big deal. It had to get approved by the Board of Administrators and everything! The party was planned for 6pm so i started to do the set up at 4:30. I had been shopping the weekend before and bought items needed to make taco's and fruit salad. Something that i miss dearly! I LOVE TACOS!

A friend and i were able to get everything set up in time and people arrived on time and it started out wonderful. It was actually nice to have the people there. It was a girls only party most because i could not afford to feed the guys! We had dinner and a movie planned. We ate dinner, listened to music, took silly pictures and danced for two hours. Then, we decided to cut the cake. More singing.

I blew out my one candle and they started to dish while everyone sat around me and started going around the circle telling me why they appreciated me. It's a tradition they do here at every party that i have been to. People are given the chance to speak into the birthday persons life and give them any advice they want or to just say thank you for being a friend. It really is a nice tradition. I was very uncomfortable as they went around the room, but what they had to say was very nice and very uplifting and it made me feel good. Basically, they like me. I am accepted and they are all really sad i am leaving.

After the speeches...yes, i had to give one as well...everyone stood around me and we had a time of prayer. It was so powerful to feel the prayers of my friends. Speaking into my life and giving me the confidence to be myself and become whoever God wants me to be.

After that it was nearly 9pm so a few people had to leave as it was a school night and several had big papers due the next day. The rest of us that stayed, just 6 of us, sat down and watched Grease. We sang along as loud as we could and laughed the rest of the time. I think that was my favorite part. Just enjoying a few friends and making memories by laughing and having a good time.

In the end, i had a good birthday. As relieved as i was to get it over, i must admit being around my friends all day long did make it a happy day. I may sound cynical about a lot of it, but i do enjoy hanging out with friends and allowing them to show me if they appreciate me or not.

One day a year is definitely enough for a birthday!








Dear Lord,

Thank you so much for allowing me to have a good birthday! I love all my friends here and appreciate the friendship they give me. I will remember them forever from this time in my life. I pray that you will be with each of them this next year and guide us all into the will you have for us.

I love you!

Heidi

I have been avoiding this post with great effort. Do you realise that i have a lot to tell you...but i'm too ashamed?

I have not worked out in 4 days.

I only worked out for 3 day.

3 days seems to be my limit. I wish that i could have had a different way of self-disciplin seeing as this way obviously did not work.


BLECH!


I will do an update about my birthday as soon as i can.

updates and fun facts!

* Delilah died today. Poor fish. It was just too much of an exciting life i guess. But i'm perfectly fine. Cause this just renewed my knowledge that i am not the 'pet owner' type. Fish are hard work.

* I have completed 3 days of my work out. Sitting on the toilet is dreaded as it pains me in regions of my thighs i did not know existed.

* I have completed another week here at this silly school.

* My birthday is Monday

* It is so HOT today. I am sweating in my t-shirt. but then again, Wednesday WAS the first day of spring...so BRING ON THE HEAT WAVES!

* Too much Crystal Light makes me sick and gives me funny dreams.

* The psychology test that i took today messed with my head. I am not sure that i did too well on it. Yet somehow i have become the person that people come to wth questions on that topic. Oh i do love it, i just am not a fan of being tested on what i know.

* I have mailed 10 cards in the last 2 days. But it cost me $10. So i think i might just double up the return address lables instead of speding $175 on them. If you recieve a get well card from me and you are in fact NOT sick. Don't worry, i'm not prophetic. I just ran out of good cards.

* I'm moody today. blech!

i did it!

I am trying video uploads.

It is not flattering of me. No video looking from the underside of your chin up is flattering. I don't care who you are.

Hopefully this works!

Dear Lord,

Please don't let the school geeks find out that i uploaded video and used up most of their bandwidth doing so.

Thanks!

Heidi

letters!

Hey All,

So, last semester my dear friend Laura sent me a very nice gift of address labels with my name and the college address and little high heels on them. Super cute. Super me. However, after November, when i move home, i will no longer be needing them. So my goal is to use them up while i'm here.

I counted them and i have 175 labels left. That is 3 cards a day! Tonight, i have written 6, so i have a good start. Gives me slack days.

I also have a bajillion cards that my mom brought me. So i would like to use them as well.

I have several addresses, but i don't have everyones. I know there are sneaky people that read this that don't like to be identified.

So, instead of sending 175 lettters to the 20 people i have addresses for, how about you send me any old address! Does your mom want a card? I will send her one! Does your child want a card? I will send them one! Does your neighbor or a friend of a dude in the army that you know of want one? Give me the address! I gotta use these up!

Email me the address please! heidijoymichelle@gmail.com

Thanks y'all!

Dear Lord,

Please MAKE these people give me addresses! I want to write to someone! I know they know people that could use a cheer up in the form of a card that just says hello and have a nice day! Get them to give me the info!

Thanks buddy!

Heidi

Let's be honest here...

You remember how last semester i didn't eat for like two months and lost 30lb's and that was cool yet a really hungry time in my life?

well...i'm not going to do that again.

I have been eating the food here. Like, everyday. True, i might not eat every meal, but once a day is good for me! With this plan, however, i have not seemed to be able to lose any weight. Maybe it's cause i like to eat junk food before bed, while i sit and watch a movie. So when all you have had for the day is toast in the morning and a cholate bar in the evening, i suppose weight loss is not the first thing to arrive.

Note: Despite the increase in jusnk food, i still have not broken out in any pimples. Awesome huh! I actaully have not had one since i have arrived here in July. Kind of cool. Kind of the norm. Just wanted you all to know i recognize the blessing!

Now, since this eating habit of mine doesn't seem to want to change, i figured something else will have to. Meaning my routine. I am going to from yesterday on, start doing my workout dvd i brought with me.

I do believe i have tried doing this before but failed after day 3. This time, i will try to get further.

Here is how it started. Last night, i was waiting for a friend to get up to the dorms so that we culd watch a movie. (Road to Bali, with bob hope and bing crosby) She was taking a really long time. So i changed into my pj's and the pants that i had pulled out of the closet without looking, happened to be my yoga pants! So i put them on and it felt good! It felt like i was skinnier already!

I then decided that i should work out, cuase, what's the point of having the pants if you don't use them to their full potential!

I got my pink work out mat out, and my weights. (yes, i had had those things the whole time that just stare at me everyday getting dusty)

I turned on the dvd which is Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. We did a warm up, then some jumping jacks, then some push ups and then more jumping jacks and then ten minutes had passed. I was exhausted! But, i'm strong, i told myself that i could keep going no matter what i thought about myself. Then...

someone knocked on my door. It was a girl that wanted to borrow a cd. So i paused my dvd, get the cd's and noticed my movie friend there in the hall! I hey...perfect timeing, cause i would about to pass out...let's watch a movie! YAY!

I unpaused the dvd, and just full on shut it off. 10 minutes was a great start!

We sat down and started the movie. About halfway through it, the power went out, which it does nealry once a night. We had to grab the flashlight and go downstairs and flip the switch back on. These darn girls are always blowing the fuses!

People, let me tell you! MY LEGS HURT! I mean 10 minutes...that was all i did. And i was in so much pain. I used the hand rail down and back up the stiars. Poor little fat girl...is what i thought. Good grief!

We sat and finished our movie and i then went to bed. I was so tired!

But tonight! It's on again. I got my workout clothes on, i got my mat out, i got the weights in place and then...i checked my email.

Then i decided that i should update this here blog about all this and now, i'm sitting here freezing cold in my tank top wishing i had a swetshirt within reach. When what i need to do..is get up, turn off this blog and turn on the dvd.

Like i said before, i made it 3 days before. Root me on as i try to make it to 30! YAY!

And don't let me fool you. I have the time. I have the space and i have ability. I just don't have the UMPH! But it will come, i'm sure of it.


On another note...my pants are not fitting well again. I bought 6 new pairs of jeans to bring back here with me as my other jeans had gotten too big. And i had given them away. Why keep around what you don't intend on using again. So now, these jeans that fit at home in the states, are not fitting so nice here. A) i have a flat butt. No matter how much weight i put on, it gets no bigger. Wider yes, shapley, no. B) i thought i had a love of levi's...come to find out, i don't. they fit funny if you wear them too long. C) The one pair of jeans that i bought a size too small so that i would have something for later, are now a bit big. I washed them and DRIED them, and put them on and could pull them off without undoing the button, zipper AND BELT!

But yet, i don't see a differece. Strange thing this body of mine. Some day i will get the hang of it.



Ok, time to WORK OUT! YAY! (note, that is a sarcastic YAY...i don't actually have those feelings in me)

Dear Lord,

I am trying this whole work out thing once again. Only you can count as high as i have tried this. Each time i have high hopes. Each time i justify my way out of continuing. Please help me to be real with myself and keep going. Don't let me give up and don't let me get discouraged because of lack of vision. I want this and i need this.

LOVE YOU DUDE!

Heidi

another side note: I left my flat iron on again all day. Stupid. I made another big flat mark right on top of the other one. When will i LEARN!